Getting better

Well, I finally got my CPAP machine. I've had it to weeks now. I think it has made a difference. Although I still wake up feeling tired in the morning. But, I am not exhausted half way through the day so that is a HUGE improvement.

My next goal is to change my eating habits. I am going to go back to weight watchers. And I am going to start exercising. I know that doing these two things will make me feel even better!

Tonight I am going to a wine 101 class with Heidi. It should be fun. I am very excited to go.

Other than that, things are great. The PD med seems to be helping. I'm not nearly as stiff as I was. I still have the tremor but I can deal with that. The only think it really effects is my typing! ;o)

Later!

I am so at the end of my rope!!

So the last two days have be terrible. I am not sleeping barely at all now. My entire body just hurts. I feel like I have masive PMS but I dont' know what the heck is going on with my body in that respect. I am so moody, so tired and just so plain miserable.

I want to just curl up in a ball somewhere and not move. I am so tired...just so unbelievably tired.

I am beyond know what to do anymore. I am so close to getting this stupid CPAP machine. I thought I would have it today but, of course, like everything else with this, the paperwork got screwed up! So, now I won't see the quy until Monday. UGH!! I had a mni meltdown at work today. I think I am doing one heck of job of keeping it together but when I found out it would be Mon I got so upset. I so just want to sleep. Please GOD let this work. I am sooooooo tired.

I am, of course, taking this out on everyone around me. Poor B. I don't know if he really understands. I am so short with him. I have NO patience.

Please GOD let this CPAP machine work for me. I just want to be able to sleep...just sleep...that's all I want is to sleep....

Didn't sleep....again

Another night of not sleeping. I really don't know how I keep functioning. I woke up every 25 - 40 minutes last night. I am exhausted. I thought about staying home today but what's the point. I might as well go to work and drag myself through the day. I just hope and pray that I get that stupid cpap machine soon It's got to help at least somewhat. Otherwise, I really don't see how much longer I can live my life this way. This is no way to live. Constantly tired.

I am so overwhelmed by life at the moment. I have so much to do around the house and no desire to do any of it. Our room needs to be cleaned. The closet needs to be cleaned out...B's room needs to be cleaned....the basement...UGH! So much to do. Then there is the outside of the house.

I just want to be better. I need to get back on my diet & exercising again. I just haven't had the energy to do that either. I've been fighting depression lately too. So far, I'm winning...but it takes so much of what little energy I have.

OK, off to work!

My husband

I am married to an amazing man. He loves me and supports me unconditionally. I do not know what I did to deserve a man such as he. I know that this life that we've been given these past few months is not what he signed up for. And even though he acknowledged this fact to me the other night, I know deep in my heart & soul that he will be by my side "until death do us part". I just can not say enough about him.

As for me, I didn't sleep again last night. So I am exhausted today. I am just so sick of feeling this way. I want my life back!!

I have to start dieting again and exercising. I have to take control of the things I can control. UGH! It's so hard sometimes.

Ok..gotta get back to work. See ya!

My weird body

Ok, so I didn't sleep so well last night. Or, at least I feel like I didn't. I am so exhausted today. I can barely function...but I do function because I don't have a choice. I would like nothing more than to just stay at home and sleep. I get so frustrated that I can't seem to balance it all. Work & home life...it's either one or the other. I don't have the energy to do both.

I am really hoping that I'll get my CPAP machine soon. I just want to sleep!! I know that if I can get some good quality sleep then things will be better. Right now, life is just so overwhelming.

I don't know what the heck is going on with my period either. I still haven't really gotten it. I got 4 neg HPT's last week. I am wondering if I should do another or if I should just wait it out. I feel so weird. My boobs are killing me, I feel crampy and I soooooo moody. Today I felt really sick to my stomach, same thing happened to me yesterday. I just don't know what to think. I should probably call the OB GYN Dr. K but I just dread seeing yet another dr about something.

Tomorrow is Friday, THANK GOD! The weekend is almost here. I live for the weekends... I can sleep on the weekends. We're suppose to get together with L & K on Sat and go to a BBQ at my bosses house on Sunday. Hopefully the weather will cooperate!

Ok, back to work now.

My PD

I don't know where to start. Sometimes I just feel so overwhelmed by it all. I am trying to keep a positive outlook but it's really hard sometimes. I don't think I have truly dealt with the reality of my disease. I think somewhere in the back of my mind I keep thinking that it is all going to go away or that somehow they got it all wrong.

I feel so inadequate these days. I guess I've been inadequate for a long time now, it's just now I have a reason...excuse I guess...as to why. I just want to feel healthy...I want to have energy. I want to be the kind of mother to my son that I always thought I'd be. I want to be a better wife. My husband is so wonderful. God blessed me greatly with bringing him into my life. Words can not express how incredible he is to me. He takes care of me. Sometimes, I get sad that he has to take care of me. I get scared too. What if something happens to him someday. Who is going to take care of him? What if he gets sick?

I worry alot lately. I worry about B...about P. I am always afraid something bad is going to happen to them. That they'll be taken away from me.

I am tired now. I'll write more later.