The Land of the Marine

The Land of the Marine

You are a swimmer in the Land of the Marine. You
are carefree and playful just like your best
friend the dolphin. When you are in the water
you are happiest you could ever be. However,
just like the waters you love so much you have
a darker side. You can become very destructive
and torrent like.


What is the mystical land of your birth? {13 results with gorgeous anime pics}
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blue today

i am so blue today...i've been blue the past few days. i've been trying to fight it but it's there...all the time.

When i am busy i don't notice it as much...so i guess the trick is to stay busy right? Not so easy.

I had a rough week, i guess two weeks past with my body. Very still, very hard to walk...i tired so easily and I got so light headed and I sweated profusely...I don't know what my deal was.

Today, the body is much better...still a little stiff on in my leg and hand but nothing like it was. I can walk with out a noticable "limp".

Sometimes I am just so overwhelmed with the idea that this disease is going to rob me of my freedoms.

I am so envious of the people who can truly just live in the moment, and enjoy every day that God gives them. I talk a good game but I don't think I truly feel that everyday. Today I just want to crawl under my desk and hide. For no particular reason, I just feel that way. I feel so OVERWHELMED right now.

So, I just continue to plodd along. What else is there to do right? One day at a time...

Parentling

sometimes parenting can be a huge joy. to see the accomplishments you little creation has made....learning to talk, walk, ride a bike, ect.

but sometime parenting just plain sucks...

i am so at my wits end right now. my son has a learning disablility called NLD (nonverbal learning disability). it effects him in all sorts of ways. the textbook definition is:

What is NLD? Nonverbal learning disorders (NLD) is a neurological syndrome consisting of specific assets and deficits. The assets include early speech and vocabulary development, remarkable rote memory skills, attention to detail, early reading skills development and excellent spelling skills. In addition, these individuals have the verbal ability to express themselves eloquently. Moreover, persons with NLD have strong auditory retention. Four major categories of deficits and dysfunction also present themselves:

•motoric (lack of coordination, severe balance problems, and difficulties with graphomotor skills).

•visual-spatial-organizational (lack of image, poor visual recall, faulty spatial perceptions, difficulties with executive functioning* and problems with spatial relations).

•social (lack of ability to comprehend nonverbal communication, difficulties adjusting to transitions and novel situations, and deficits in social judgment and social interaction).

•sensory (sensitivity in any of the sensory modes: visual, auditory, tactile, taste or olfactory)

*definition of executive functioning: Neuropsychological functions including, but perhaps not limited to, decision making, planning, initiative, assigning priority, sequencing, motor control, emotional regulation, inhibition, problem solving, planning, impulse control, establishing goals, monitoring results of action, self-correcting. From http://www.behavenet.com/

B's main issues are with social skills....i hate to say it but my son, most times, is just plain weird. i love him to death and accept him for who he is but unfortunatly the kids in 4th grade are not as accepting.

It has been so hard. It just breaks my heart to see him having such trouble with kids. I feel so paralized. I don't know what to do..

Update on me

so, it's been awhile... im doing ok.
the pd was doing really well for while. i had a really good month or two. now i'm a mess again.

ok, ive only been a mess the past three days or so, but it is just so depressing.

I am so stiff, painfully stiff. ive been hovering on the edge of depression the past week or so. i am just so tired of it all.

i have to say that i am so in love with my husband right now. i don't know why we go through such extremes...we just do...we always have, i guess we always will. hopefully, it won't ever get to such an extreme that it goes completely out of control.

so, i turned 36 this week. how'd that happen?? i guess im ok with it. kind of numb about the whole thing.

i keep thinking about what my life was like a year ago. finding out about the pd and the pregnancy...the ectopic...the surgury...

i don't know what exactly i am feeling these days. depression...sadness...longing...wishing...knowing that it's for the best but still not accepting it completly, yet accepting it to a degree that it's ok....

i don't know if it is easier now that I know why i have these bouts of depression or close to depression. i know it's a chemical thing...a brain dying off thing...but it still doesn't make it easier to accept. I just want to be normal....but what the heck is that anyway? Normal...

i think i am happy most of the time now. i am so grateful for each day...for my husband, my son, the life i have. on the days my body phsically feels good, I have great motivation to do stuff. to keep my house in order, both litterally and metaphorically.

im looking forward to the holidays this year. last year was such an unsettliing time, i really want to enjoy this year. i am looking forward to decorating and being with loved ones and SHOPPING!!! yeah, go figure...me looking forward to shopping...

ok...gotta leave for work now. i really like my job these days. it was such the right move for me. I think i would be dead by now if i was still in sales....or at least someone else would be.... wink...wink.. lol.

Peach and good tidings to all!!

Love,
J