apathy

I've written about this before.

Apathy is a psychological term for a state of indifference — where an individual is unresponsive or "indifferent" to aspects of emotional, social, or physical life. Clinical apathy is considered to be at an elevated level, while a moderate level might be considered depression, and an extreme level could be diagnosed as a dissociative disorder. The physical aspect of apathy associated with physical deterioration, muscle loss, and lack of energy is called lethargy — which has many pathological causes as well.

That's me these days. I just don't care about much except I do care about the fact that I don't care about anything. I suppose that's good.

I feel like I am stuck. I know what I need to do but either I don't know how to do it or I just to care to do it. I HATE feeling this way.

My life is good. I have so much love and goodness in my life.

I want to be that person who has so much motivation to everything that they should be doing.

As a mother
as a wife
as a person with PD
as a woman.

I started a new med today. I've taken one dose and it makes me feel "weird". We'll see.

Work sucks these days...not as bad as Sales was but just in general terms. I just wish I didn't have to work.

ok..that's it. must get back to work.

Toodles

Playing Catch Up

doing ok

have new neuro

starting clinical trial tomorrow

work is ok - we had layoffs two weeks ago...im still there (not sure if that's good or not)

my WAH MWF comes to an end this week unless they agree to extend...i hope they do.

family here for memorial day weekend - had fun but body is paying for it now.

still depressed

need to exercise, lose weight....so important but i can't find the motivation...apathy.

the world is going nuckin futs!

oh, and lastly, jordin sparks of american idol fame is 17. i recently read her parents were 38...ok, that is more than a little unsettling...how can i be that old???

toodles

Ok, I suck

I know I haven't blogged much lately. I've just been so tired.

Turns out, I'm not anemic which is good in one respect but bad b/c i was hoping for a quick resolution to me being tired...so much for that.

Toodles.

The Plot Thickens!!

Just when you thougth it couldn't get stanger...it does..

Went to my primary care dr last week for follow up on my "depression" and hypertention.

She ran some blood work b/c my stupid feet are still swelling and I feel generally like crap.

So, I get the results in the mail today.

Electrolytes - normal
Blood Sugar - normal
Kidney Function Test - normal
Liver Function Test - normal
Thyroid Function Test - norma
Complete Blood Count - anemic! (WTF???)

OK, I take more vitamins than I know what to do with, among them being a super B complete and a major multi vitamin.

You've got to be kidding right?

From the Mayo Clinic:

The main symptom of most types of anemia is fatigue. Other anemia symptoms include:

Weakness
Pale skin
A fast or irregular heartbeat
Shortness of breath
Chest pain
Dizziness
Cognitive problems
Numbness or coldness in your extremities
Headache

Initially, anemia can be so mild it goes unnoticed. But signs and symptoms increase as the condition worsens

Check on all of the above!

Now I need more blood work to determine why I'm anemic.

I suppose I should be happy, b/c maybe this will fix my general state of yuck. However, it could also be a sign of a much bigger underlying problem. But, one day at a time.

Have a fantabulous day!

Toodles.

Tired

OK, so I am only taking one med now. Azilect (Rasagiline). I triated off the Amantadine, the Wellbutrin and then she had me switch from the Selegiline to the Azilect. I've been taking it almost 4 weeks. I feel ok but I am so effing tired. I also have no energy and my damn ankles/feet are still swelling.

*sigh*

I modified my work schedule. I am working at home three days a week and in the office two. It seems to be working well. My manager is getting a little antsy. I am keeping an eye on things. Have to proceed with caution. I am going to offically tell HR when my HR rep comes back from vacation. I need to. I need to be protected. My company is reat and has precednce with disabilities. We have people with MS that I know personally.

Anyway, I just hope that the Dr. is going to give me something else soon to make me not so tired.

One day at a time.

Toodles

MJF an man I greatly admire

Here is the picture. It was quite an amazing day!





Toodles!