Thanksgiving was good. We went to CT to my moms. It was a nice visit. I got to see my brother (AQ). He is doing really well. It was sad not to see the kids. His wife wouldn't let him have them at all on Thanksgiving. The whole thing is such a mess. She still won't let him have them at all on his own on the weekends. He has to see them with her there. He says that's not ideal b/c all they do is fight in front of the kids and he hates that. He want to try to repair his relationship with his sons. The oldest is 6 and the younger one is 2 1/2. To add fuel to the fire, the younger one was just diagnosed with autisim. It is just such a mess.
P and I sat down to figure out finances for Christmas this year. Having no money really sucks. We had a fight on Sunday about money. I am just so worried about him and carrying the stress of everything. I tried to make a suggestion and he got mad at me. It was not fun. It wasn't a huge fight, just a disagreement really. I just wish we would win the lottery (ha, ha). If we could just pay off all our debt and start over. We are carrying debt from before we got married.
Depression is still an issue...I am thinking it might be b/c of the increase in my meds...but I'm not sure. P was so cute last night. I was sitting on the stool in our kitchen looking glum and he comes over to me and grabs my face and starts kissing me. In between kisses, he tells me that he read that kissing causes the endorphins to go nutty and that causes an uptake in my dopamine which makes me feel better. He made me laugh and I did feel better after. I am so lucky to have him.
I feel like I am coming down with a cold. I'm tired and my throat kind of hurts...I've been taking airbourne all day. Hopefully that will fight it.
My company holiday party is this Saturday. Noone from my current department is going. They are all a bunch of party poopers! I am looking forward to it. It's being held at the Peabody Essex Museum this year. We're not staying over night (see $$ issues above) so it'll be a long drive to and from but it should still be fun. I love to get dressed up and go out with my husband. My coworkers from my days in sales are all going. I just hope the weather is nice.
Well, that's it for now.
Toodles
About Me
- TheatreChick93
- Massachusetts, United States
- I am 41 years old. I have been married to my husband for 15 years. We have a son who was born in April 1996. We live in Central Massachusetts with our dog Maggie (a black lab we adopted from the animal rescue league) and our cat Sam (a stray that adopted us) I graduated from college with a BFA in Theatre in 1993 (hence the name) and for a few years pursued a career as an actress. Then life took over and I got married, had a baby and decided to get a "real" job. In November 2004, I was diagnosed with Young Onset Parkinson's disease. In December 2004, I was hospitalized for surgery to remove an ectopic pregnancy. In December 2009, I was laid off from my job. In June 2010, my son was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome at the age of 14. Stick around to see what happens next!
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Depression
It comes in waves. Even throughout the day. I try to fight it. Sometimes I'm successful, most the time I am not. I hate that I am aware that I am depressed. It would be so much easier if I was completely oblivious. Then I could just sink into my melancoley and not care. But I do care, and that's what makes it so hard.
My husband is amazing. He just goes along for the ride. He gives hugs and words of encouragement and sometimes a swift kick in the pants. He doesn't understand my depression but he knows that I do not control it. I thank God everyday for him.
Found out on Friday that one of my former co-workers (from my old dept) is getting a divorce. See, she was diagnosed with MS a few months after they were married 10 years ago. Apparently, he just can't hack it anymore. The sick thing is he has been planning this for the past 4 years. He and his mother (who watches their son every day) have been keeping "logs" of when she was not able to participate in some activity because of her MS. What a jerk! I feel so bad for here. On the flip side, it makes me appreciate my husband all the more. I know it is not easy but he stands by me through thick and thin. No matter what. I am so blessed.
Speaking of blessed....
P and I don't know what to do about the Catholic Church. I only go to mass now when I am singing. We just have so many issues with Church. However, we want to raise B with a faith in God and a place he can turn to in times of need and unrest. I don't know what we are going to do. We just need to figure it out.
That's it for now.
Toodles!
My husband is amazing. He just goes along for the ride. He gives hugs and words of encouragement and sometimes a swift kick in the pants. He doesn't understand my depression but he knows that I do not control it. I thank God everyday for him.
Found out on Friday that one of my former co-workers (from my old dept) is getting a divorce. See, she was diagnosed with MS a few months after they were married 10 years ago. Apparently, he just can't hack it anymore. The sick thing is he has been planning this for the past 4 years. He and his mother (who watches their son every day) have been keeping "logs" of when she was not able to participate in some activity because of her MS. What a jerk! I feel so bad for here. On the flip side, it makes me appreciate my husband all the more. I know it is not easy but he stands by me through thick and thin. No matter what. I am so blessed.
Speaking of blessed....
P and I don't know what to do about the Catholic Church. I only go to mass now when I am singing. We just have so many issues with Church. However, we want to raise B with a faith in God and a place he can turn to in times of need and unrest. I don't know what we are going to do. We just need to figure it out.
That's it for now.
Toodles!
Friday, November 17, 2006
I am so glad it is Friday...
So, today seems to be better than yesterday.
I went to the chiropractor yesterday afternoon. That seemed to help with my back pain. Although as I sit here and type this I can feel my shoulder tightening up.
I think I have SAD. I was looking back on my blog and notebook journals I kept prior to that, and I notice a pattern. I always seem to be depressed and moody this time of year. This is something to look into further I think.
It was a LONG week.
We had B's teacher conference last night. It went well. We met with all three of his teachers. He is doing really well in Math (and actually like it now...good teacher). He is also doing well in Science & Social Studies. His spelling is excellent. The only area he still really struggles with is his writing. We need to focus on that more.
He is doing great in the social area. So far no issues this year. Although he still doesn't have anyone come over and he never gets invited to another person's home. He claims he has friends at school. I am just keeping my fingers crossed.
He was assigned a science project this week. They are studying the digestive system. Each child got a different part of the system to do a presentation on. Ya know, the mouth..the esophagus...the small intestine. The were assigned by pulling them out of a hat. Guess which part B got? Yep...the anus and rectum. JEEZ!!! of all the parts to get. The perfect subject for a 5th grade boy! UGH. We spoke to the teacher about it last night. She said that she cringed when he pulled that out too. She said that they made it very clear to the class that no one was to make fun of anyone else and if she heard any name calling there would be severe consequences. So, it sounds like she has a handle on the potential pitfalls here.
So, now I get to do a project with him on the butt! YIPEE... You're suppose to draw a diagram for the presentation...not exactly sure how that ones going to work.
No big plans for the weekend. My mom-in-law is coming down for the day on Saturday. I must continue to tackle the mountain of laundry that has formed in my basement and if my energy level continues to be up, I am going to tackle the spare room! Only one week until I can start to decorate for Christmas. I can't wait! I LOVE CHRISTMAS!!! It is my absoulte favorite holiday.
Ok, back to work.
Toodles!
I went to the chiropractor yesterday afternoon. That seemed to help with my back pain. Although as I sit here and type this I can feel my shoulder tightening up.
I think I have SAD. I was looking back on my blog and notebook journals I kept prior to that, and I notice a pattern. I always seem to be depressed and moody this time of year. This is something to look into further I think.
It was a LONG week.
We had B's teacher conference last night. It went well. We met with all three of his teachers. He is doing really well in Math (and actually like it now...good teacher). He is also doing well in Science & Social Studies. His spelling is excellent. The only area he still really struggles with is his writing. We need to focus on that more.
He is doing great in the social area. So far no issues this year. Although he still doesn't have anyone come over and he never gets invited to another person's home. He claims he has friends at school. I am just keeping my fingers crossed.
He was assigned a science project this week. They are studying the digestive system. Each child got a different part of the system to do a presentation on. Ya know, the mouth..the esophagus...the small intestine. The were assigned by pulling them out of a hat. Guess which part B got? Yep...the anus and rectum. JEEZ!!! of all the parts to get. The perfect subject for a 5th grade boy! UGH. We spoke to the teacher about it last night. She said that she cringed when he pulled that out too. She said that they made it very clear to the class that no one was to make fun of anyone else and if she heard any name calling there would be severe consequences. So, it sounds like she has a handle on the potential pitfalls here.
So, now I get to do a project with him on the butt! YIPEE... You're suppose to draw a diagram for the presentation...not exactly sure how that ones going to work.
No big plans for the weekend. My mom-in-law is coming down for the day on Saturday. I must continue to tackle the mountain of laundry that has formed in my basement and if my energy level continues to be up, I am going to tackle the spare room! Only one week until I can start to decorate for Christmas. I can't wait! I LOVE CHRISTMAS!!! It is my absoulte favorite holiday.
Ok, back to work.
Toodles!
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Today's Rant!
Money, Homework and PD
Money - we have none. Bill collectors call daily...at least three different ones. I am worried about P. He is managing the best he can but the stress of "juggling" the finance are definately getting to him. I thought by this stage of the game in life we would not be living like this. We live paycheck to paycheck...litterally. I can't tell you how many times our account has been overdrawn in the past few months. It just sucks. I've been bringing my lunch to work everyday, I haven't stepped foot in a store (like Target) in months. We decided not to do Christmas gifts for each other this year and we are scrapping our Feb vacation. We are now considering getting rid of the cable TV and our YMCA membership. Last winter with the Oil prices and this summer with the gas prices just put us in such a hole. I try to remind myself that we are still in a far better place then alot of people. It still just sucks. It causes so much stress.
Homework - it is the bain of my existance. We spent 3 hours with B last night doing homework. Talk about stress. P and I disagree about whether or not he gets too much of it. I think it's ridiculus the amount he comes home with. What the hell is he doing in school all day?? We don't get home until 6pm and he goes to bed at 9pm. There just isn't enough time. They don't consider the working parent. We encourage him to do his homework at the afterschool program, but he wants to play with the other kids. I can't blame him for that. He should be allowed to be a kid!! And, everything is taught to the test. We have something called MCAS's here in MA. It's a standardize test they give every year starting in 3rd grade. This is to comply with the No Child Left Behind Act. In therory I agree with the NCLB act, but it needs to be revamped. There is such a focus on taking this test now that they have taken all the fun out of learning. UGH!!
PD - SUCKS!!! I am doing better. Taking the amantadine three times a day now has made me less stiff. That's a good thing. But, now I am so freaking tired. And it seems to really wear off now where as before it was kind of a slow let down. I like my job but I really wish I didn't have to work. It kills me to sit at a desk all day. I am in so much pain by the end of the day. I try to get up and walk around every hour or so but sometimes that's just not possible. I got a new chair, that helps a bit. I just do so much better on the weekends when I can move around and take a "cat nap" around 2pm. It's only for 20 - 30 minutes but it rejuvinates me for the rest of the day. I feel like I am powerless over this disease and I am powerless over making the decision not to work because we can't financially swing me not working....UGH!!!!!
Other than that, things are just peachy!!
Toodles.
Money - we have none. Bill collectors call daily...at least three different ones. I am worried about P. He is managing the best he can but the stress of "juggling" the finance are definately getting to him. I thought by this stage of the game in life we would not be living like this. We live paycheck to paycheck...litterally. I can't tell you how many times our account has been overdrawn in the past few months. It just sucks. I've been bringing my lunch to work everyday, I haven't stepped foot in a store (like Target) in months. We decided not to do Christmas gifts for each other this year and we are scrapping our Feb vacation. We are now considering getting rid of the cable TV and our YMCA membership. Last winter with the Oil prices and this summer with the gas prices just put us in such a hole. I try to remind myself that we are still in a far better place then alot of people. It still just sucks. It causes so much stress.
Homework - it is the bain of my existance. We spent 3 hours with B last night doing homework. Talk about stress. P and I disagree about whether or not he gets too much of it. I think it's ridiculus the amount he comes home with. What the hell is he doing in school all day?? We don't get home until 6pm and he goes to bed at 9pm. There just isn't enough time. They don't consider the working parent. We encourage him to do his homework at the afterschool program, but he wants to play with the other kids. I can't blame him for that. He should be allowed to be a kid!! And, everything is taught to the test. We have something called MCAS's here in MA. It's a standardize test they give every year starting in 3rd grade. This is to comply with the No Child Left Behind Act. In therory I agree with the NCLB act, but it needs to be revamped. There is such a focus on taking this test now that they have taken all the fun out of learning. UGH!!
PD - SUCKS!!! I am doing better. Taking the amantadine three times a day now has made me less stiff. That's a good thing. But, now I am so freaking tired. And it seems to really wear off now where as before it was kind of a slow let down. I like my job but I really wish I didn't have to work. It kills me to sit at a desk all day. I am in so much pain by the end of the day. I try to get up and walk around every hour or so but sometimes that's just not possible. I got a new chair, that helps a bit. I just do so much better on the weekends when I can move around and take a "cat nap" around 2pm. It's only for 20 - 30 minutes but it rejuvinates me for the rest of the day. I feel like I am powerless over this disease and I am powerless over making the decision not to work because we can't financially swing me not working....UGH!!!!!
Other than that, things are just peachy!!
Toodles.
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Happy Birthday to ME!
OK...so I'm not doing so great with this birthday. Not sure why. I think the closer I get to 40 the harder it is.
Not doing anything special today. Just work, then chorus tonight. Going out to lunch with my co-workers and then with the girls tonight after chorus.
I'm in a foul mood today...rotten way to feel on your birthday. Trying hard to get myself out of it.
Toodles.
Not doing anything special today. Just work, then chorus tonight. Going out to lunch with my co-workers and then with the girls tonight after chorus.
I'm in a foul mood today...rotten way to feel on your birthday. Trying hard to get myself out of it.
Toodles.
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Back from the Neurologist
So it was a good visit. She was shocked at the condition I was in and admonished me for not calling to be seen earlier.
She asked if anything had changed in the past few months. First thing she though of was to ask if my medicine changed at all. I remembered that in Sept my Amantadine switched from one generic to another. (meaning a different distributor) but that probably isn't the cause. Since I started to go down hill in Aug. The timing was off.
At the time in her office I couldn't think of anything else. She asked if there had been any stress in my life. I said now. It wasn't until later that I though of all the stuff that I went through with AQ. Talk about stress... and the timing is right. So, it is possible the increase in my symptoms is stress related. But, no one really knows.
In any event, she has me up'ing my Amantadine to 3 times a day and she is having me get the brand name for the Amantadine which is Symmatrel. That's going to cost us. Brand name is $45 copay...YIKES. But, if it works...
She also is having me start on a new version of the Selegiline. It's called Zelapar. It is a quick dissolving tablet that you take in the morning. It is suppose to go straight to your brain...basically by-passing the GI tract. It's brand new so I have to wait for her to get approval from BCBS. Which shouldn't be an issue but it does mean waiting probably three or four weeks before I can take it.
I go back to see her in 3 months. If I am not improved then she'll add an agonist. Most likely Requip. She also encouraged me to start exercising again. I know I need to do it and that it will help but I just don't know when I'm suppose to do it. I think after the holidays I'll try going back to my hydrobics on Mon/Wed mornings at 8AM. Hopefully, I'll have the energy to do it.
Keeping my fingers crossed!
Toodles
****UPDATE****
So, I finally got the Zelapar at the end of November. I took forever to get the approval. Anyway, I started taking it. I immediately felt WORSE. Like I wasn't taking anything. I gave it 5 days but then I couldn't take it anymore and I switched back to the pill form of selegiline. I gave it another try after the 1st of the year and had the same results. Told the neuro about this at my appt in Feb and she was surprised but said that we'd do whatever works for me. So, I am back on the pill form of the selegiline.
Current meds (as of 2/25/07)
Selegiline 5mg 2x's
Amantadine 100mg 3x's
Wellbutrin 100 mg 2x's
CLONAZEPAM 0.5MG 1/2 a tab at night b4 bed
She asked if anything had changed in the past few months. First thing she though of was to ask if my medicine changed at all. I remembered that in Sept my Amantadine switched from one generic to another. (meaning a different distributor) but that probably isn't the cause. Since I started to go down hill in Aug. The timing was off.
At the time in her office I couldn't think of anything else. She asked if there had been any stress in my life. I said now. It wasn't until later that I though of all the stuff that I went through with AQ. Talk about stress... and the timing is right. So, it is possible the increase in my symptoms is stress related. But, no one really knows.
In any event, she has me up'ing my Amantadine to 3 times a day and she is having me get the brand name for the Amantadine which is Symmatrel. That's going to cost us. Brand name is $45 copay...YIKES. But, if it works...
She also is having me start on a new version of the Selegiline. It's called Zelapar. It is a quick dissolving tablet that you take in the morning. It is suppose to go straight to your brain...basically by-passing the GI tract. It's brand new so I have to wait for her to get approval from BCBS. Which shouldn't be an issue but it does mean waiting probably three or four weeks before I can take it.
I go back to see her in 3 months. If I am not improved then she'll add an agonist. Most likely Requip. She also encouraged me to start exercising again. I know I need to do it and that it will help but I just don't know when I'm suppose to do it. I think after the holidays I'll try going back to my hydrobics on Mon/Wed mornings at 8AM. Hopefully, I'll have the energy to do it.
Keeping my fingers crossed!
Toodles
****UPDATE****
So, I finally got the Zelapar at the end of November. I took forever to get the approval. Anyway, I started taking it. I immediately felt WORSE. Like I wasn't taking anything. I gave it 5 days but then I couldn't take it anymore and I switched back to the pill form of selegiline. I gave it another try after the 1st of the year and had the same results. Told the neuro about this at my appt in Feb and she was surprised but said that we'd do whatever works for me. So, I am back on the pill form of the selegiline.
Current meds (as of 2/25/07)
Selegiline 5mg 2x's
Amantadine 100mg 3x's
Wellbutrin 100 mg 2x's
CLONAZEPAM 0.5MG 1/2 a tab at night b4 bed
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Let the fun begin!
Dems win control of the house and possibly the Senate! I am so excited.
I so hope that things will begin to change. That this country will begin to heal and be less divided.
I have so much to say but no time to write now. I'll try later.
Yeha!
Toodles
I so hope that things will begin to change. That this country will begin to heal and be less divided.
I have so much to say but no time to write now. I'll try later.
Yeha!
Toodles
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
APDA New England Regional Symposium
So P & I went to this conference on Monday. It was ok. Not really what we expected but it was interesting enough. The conference on the whole was geared towards the older PD patient. We found that we already knew most of the information that was being presented.
The first speaker was very interesting. He spoke of the non-motor symptoms of PD. I found that fascinating. It spoke to a lot of the symptoms I have. He noted the difference between being fatigued and being sleepy. I hadn't realized the difference until then. Before my CPAP machine and my sleep apnea diagnosis, I was sleepy all the time. What I feel now is fatigue. I just have a complete lack of energy a few hours after I take my meds. The unfortunate thing he said was that there really isn't much they can do for fatigue. (Story of my life!).
He also talked about people acting out their dreams. He said sometimes this predated the diagnosis and the onset of other symptoms. I found this interesting because P had told me for years that I talk in my sleep & yell and thrash...etc. I've stopped since I got my CPAP machine.
Other than that, the rest of the conference was stuff we already knew.
It was an eye opening experience to see all the different stages of PD represented. There were people like me who only had slight symptoms and then there were those who were in wheelchair's and those who were very dyskenegic.
I asked P on the ride home if he thinks it is a bad thing that I don't really think about "what's to come". He told me no. He said it's good to live in the moment. Plus, we really don't know what will happen down the line.
I think I have accepted that I have PD and that I live with it fairly well. I just really haven't wrapped my head around the fact that it is slowly robbing me of my independence. God willing, that day is still far, far off. It just concerns me that my symptoms seem to have progressed so much in the past two year. I don't know...maybe they haven't really...Maybe it's just my perception.
I keep thinking that there has to be a way for me to be the way I use to be. But, that will never happen. I will never get back the "me" I want to be. At least body wise. That is still a hard pill to swallow.
I just try to keep my head up and make the best of it. I am lucky to have such a loving and supportive husband and family.
One day at a time.
Toodles!
The first speaker was very interesting. He spoke of the non-motor symptoms of PD. I found that fascinating. It spoke to a lot of the symptoms I have. He noted the difference between being fatigued and being sleepy. I hadn't realized the difference until then. Before my CPAP machine and my sleep apnea diagnosis, I was sleepy all the time. What I feel now is fatigue. I just have a complete lack of energy a few hours after I take my meds. The unfortunate thing he said was that there really isn't much they can do for fatigue. (Story of my life!).
He also talked about people acting out their dreams. He said sometimes this predated the diagnosis and the onset of other symptoms. I found this interesting because P had told me for years that I talk in my sleep & yell and thrash...etc. I've stopped since I got my CPAP machine.
Other than that, the rest of the conference was stuff we already knew.
It was an eye opening experience to see all the different stages of PD represented. There were people like me who only had slight symptoms and then there were those who were in wheelchair's and those who were very dyskenegic.
I asked P on the ride home if he thinks it is a bad thing that I don't really think about "what's to come". He told me no. He said it's good to live in the moment. Plus, we really don't know what will happen down the line.
I think I have accepted that I have PD and that I live with it fairly well. I just really haven't wrapped my head around the fact that it is slowly robbing me of my independence. God willing, that day is still far, far off. It just concerns me that my symptoms seem to have progressed so much in the past two year. I don't know...maybe they haven't really...Maybe it's just my perception.
I keep thinking that there has to be a way for me to be the way I use to be. But, that will never happen. I will never get back the "me" I want to be. At least body wise. That is still a hard pill to swallow.
I just try to keep my head up and make the best of it. I am lucky to have such a loving and supportive husband and family.
One day at a time.
Toodles!
Ted Haggard
OK, all I have to say about this is:
Those who live in glass houses should not throw stones!
The truth will ALWAYS come out
Those who live in glass houses should not throw stones!
The truth will ALWAYS come out
Election Day 2006
Every election day I think back to when I was dating a man who was running for office. He was running for selectman in the city he lived in. We stood outside the voting areas with signs and he shook peoples hands and we FROZE our butts off!
When the polls closed at 8pm we went inside to find out the tally. He won. We went running outside and jumped down the flight of stairs. It was such a fun and wonderful moment. We were on top of the world. So full of anticipation and expectation of the changed that he could make. It was my first real introduction to politics. It was all a very powerful experience. I was so optimistic and naive back then. He was a Republican (still is as far as I know) but it didn't matter. He was a good person who stayed true to his beliefs and wanted to be fair to his constituents. I was only 20 years old. It seems like a lifetime ago.
Today, it is 60 degrees and sunny. I am going to vote later tonight after I pick up my son. I am not as optimistic or naive. I have been so un-nerved by the current status of our country and I am hoping that today will be the beginning of change. My hope is that our country can start to heal and come together. We are such a divided place...on such polar extremes. It is just sad and scary.
Only time will tell how these elections will turn out and if they will have any impact on changing the current status. I just keep reminding my self...there is always hope. (I refuse to live in fear!)
When the polls closed at 8pm we went inside to find out the tally. He won. We went running outside and jumped down the flight of stairs. It was such a fun and wonderful moment. We were on top of the world. So full of anticipation and expectation of the changed that he could make. It was my first real introduction to politics. It was all a very powerful experience. I was so optimistic and naive back then. He was a Republican (still is as far as I know) but it didn't matter. He was a good person who stayed true to his beliefs and wanted to be fair to his constituents. I was only 20 years old. It seems like a lifetime ago.
Today, it is 60 degrees and sunny. I am going to vote later tonight after I pick up my son. I am not as optimistic or naive. I have been so un-nerved by the current status of our country and I am hoping that today will be the beginning of change. My hope is that our country can start to heal and come together. We are such a divided place...on such polar extremes. It is just sad and scary.
Only time will tell how these elections will turn out and if they will have any impact on changing the current status. I just keep reminding my self...there is always hope. (I refuse to live in fear!)
Saturday, November 04, 2006
Another Saturday come and gone....
I am so tired today. I spent the day doing laundry..oh joy! I feel like i didn't accomplish much today.
My body is really doing a number on me. I am so rigid and stiff. Painfully so. Thursday can't get here quick enough. Of course, I am banking on the fact that Dr. R will be able to change my meds and I'll suddenly get my life back. I know...setting the expectation to high.....screaming for failure. But, it's worked every other time, so why not now.
P and I watched another MJF interview on Donny Deutche "The Big Idea" last night. It was probably the most informative interview. It was an hour long interview. At the start of it MJF meds had not kicked in yet so you saw him in the full PD symptoms. He has to sit on his hands and dig his legs into the chair to kept from falling over. Through the course of the interview his meds kicked in and his movements took on a whole different well...movement! It was fascinating. This was his most honest interview I think. You really got to see how this effects him. He is still so positive. I truly draw strength from that.
MJF talked about how lucky he is to have such a supportive family. I am lucky in that respect too. My husband is the most amazing man. I am just so amazingly blest to have him as my husband and now as my caregiver. Let's just look at today as an example.
I got up this morning 7am, could barely move out of bed. Shuffled my way downstairs to pee & take meds. Shuffled back upstairs and climbed back into bed to wait for the meds to kick in. I got into bed and he turned over and rubbed my back. When he got up he came down and cleaned the kitchen, vacuumed the house, ran the dishwasher, fed the dog..then took said dog out, brought laundry down and put what was done away, balanced checkbook & paid bills all before noon. Then at noon, he went and played with our son outside for an hour, then came back in and encouraged me to take a nap b/c he could tell I wasn't doing well. He then went out to the yard and did yard work for two hours. Now, he is sitting doing homework with our son.
What did I do today? 5 loads of laundry....and take a nap...that's it. And he is ok with that. I just love him so much.
I know this is hard for him, and we are real about it. We don't pretend this is ideal, but we do know that we are going to make the best of it. I just hope I am able to recognize those times when it is just overwhelming for him so I can help him get through it.
Monday we are going to a Symposium in Sturbridge for Parkinson's. I am glad he is going with me. I don't think he really wanted to, but he is doing it for me.
He is worried that I am becoming obsessed with my disease. I know what he means, and I think i am borderline. I think once I get my symptoms under control again, I'll calm down about it. I think when my symptoms get back, I want to seek out as much info as I can get. I NEED to figure out how to make it better.
UGH! If only I could get out of this funk I'm in....
That's it for now.
Toodles!
My body is really doing a number on me. I am so rigid and stiff. Painfully so. Thursday can't get here quick enough. Of course, I am banking on the fact that Dr. R will be able to change my meds and I'll suddenly get my life back. I know...setting the expectation to high.....screaming for failure. But, it's worked every other time, so why not now.
P and I watched another MJF interview on Donny Deutche "The Big Idea" last night. It was probably the most informative interview. It was an hour long interview. At the start of it MJF meds had not kicked in yet so you saw him in the full PD symptoms. He has to sit on his hands and dig his legs into the chair to kept from falling over. Through the course of the interview his meds kicked in and his movements took on a whole different well...movement! It was fascinating. This was his most honest interview I think. You really got to see how this effects him. He is still so positive. I truly draw strength from that.
MJF talked about how lucky he is to have such a supportive family. I am lucky in that respect too. My husband is the most amazing man. I am just so amazingly blest to have him as my husband and now as my caregiver. Let's just look at today as an example.
I got up this morning 7am, could barely move out of bed. Shuffled my way downstairs to pee & take meds. Shuffled back upstairs and climbed back into bed to wait for the meds to kick in. I got into bed and he turned over and rubbed my back. When he got up he came down and cleaned the kitchen, vacuumed the house, ran the dishwasher, fed the dog..then took said dog out, brought laundry down and put what was done away, balanced checkbook & paid bills all before noon. Then at noon, he went and played with our son outside for an hour, then came back in and encouraged me to take a nap b/c he could tell I wasn't doing well. He then went out to the yard and did yard work for two hours. Now, he is sitting doing homework with our son.
What did I do today? 5 loads of laundry....and take a nap...that's it. And he is ok with that. I just love him so much.
I know this is hard for him, and we are real about it. We don't pretend this is ideal, but we do know that we are going to make the best of it. I just hope I am able to recognize those times when it is just overwhelming for him so I can help him get through it.
Monday we are going to a Symposium in Sturbridge for Parkinson's. I am glad he is going with me. I don't think he really wanted to, but he is doing it for me.
He is worried that I am becoming obsessed with my disease. I know what he means, and I think i am borderline. I think once I get my symptoms under control again, I'll calm down about it. I think when my symptoms get back, I want to seek out as much info as I can get. I NEED to figure out how to make it better.
UGH! If only I could get out of this funk I'm in....
That's it for now.
Toodles!
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Fact Check on PD
I find the facts in this more interesting that the story itself. At this point, I am just ignoring those who are ignorant!
Think Progress
Toodles!
Think Progress
Toodles!
Halloween...what a mess!
So, I was suppose to leave work last night at 4:45. At 4:43 the CIO of our company walks into my cube with a big issue for one of our major clients. By 5pm, I am still at work. P calls me and says he left work at 4:30 and is halfway home. I ask him if he can get B for me and tell him I have this big issue at work and I'll be late. I am stuck at work until almost 6pm. I don't get home until 6:40. P was livid! He was so mad at me. Yelling at me and telling me how selfish I am and how it is obvious that I don't put family first and how he does so much for our family and I have a double standard.... B's crying saying this is the worse Halloween ever. It was not a fun night!
P took B trick or treating for an hour or so and by the time he got back he had calmed down. He sort of apologized. And we just let the whole thing go.
I know he when he gets stressed and overwhelmed by things he kind of loses it. It is one thing about him that drives me nuts. I know it was not a fun situation and I did the best I could. I know he knows that, but at the time he was just so unglued and frazzled. After 15 years, I still haven't figured out how to handle him when he is like that.
One a sad note, my neighbor just dropped off the kids (we take them to school everyday) and she was crying. Her dog had a stroke last night. She's been really declining the past year. She's 13 years old. I felt so bad for her. She says it's time. She's going to call the vet today. I was just so heartbroken for her. I never had pets growing up but now that I have a cat & dog of my own I know how much they become a part of your family. I dread the day something happens to Sam or Maggie.
Well, must go push my son out of bed again. This will be my 3rd attempt! He is definitely my kid!
Toodles!
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