so, it's been awhile... im doing ok.
the pd was doing really well for while. i had a really good month or two. now i'm a mess again.
ok, ive only been a mess the past three days or so, but it is just so depressing.
I am so stiff, painfully stiff. ive been hovering on the edge of depression the past week or so. i am just so tired of it all.
i have to say that i am so in love with my husband right now. i don't know why we go through such extremes...we just do...we always have, i guess we always will. hopefully, it won't ever get to such an extreme that it goes completely out of control.
so, i turned 36 this week. how'd that happen?? i guess im ok with it. kind of numb about the whole thing.
i keep thinking about what my life was like a year ago. finding out about the pd and the pregnancy...the ectopic...the surgury...
i don't know what exactly i am feeling these days. depression...sadness...longing...wishing...knowing that it's for the best but still not accepting it completly, yet accepting it to a degree that it's ok....
i don't know if it is easier now that I know why i have these bouts of depression or close to depression. i know it's a chemical thing...a brain dying off thing...but it still doesn't make it easier to accept. I just want to be normal....but what the heck is that anyway? Normal...
i think i am happy most of the time now. i am so grateful for each day...for my husband, my son, the life i have. on the days my body phsically feels good, I have great motivation to do stuff. to keep my house in order, both litterally and metaphorically.
im looking forward to the holidays this year. last year was such an unsettliing time, i really want to enjoy this year. i am looking forward to decorating and being with loved ones and SHOPPING!!! yeah, go figure...me looking forward to shopping...
ok...gotta leave for work now. i really like my job these days. it was such the right move for me. I think i would be dead by now if i was still in sales....or at least someone else would be.... wink...wink.. lol.
Peach and good tidings to all!!
Love,
J
About Me
- TheatreChick93
- Massachusetts, United States
- I am 41 years old. I have been married to my husband for 15 years. We have a son who was born in April 1996. We live in Central Massachusetts with our dog Maggie (a black lab we adopted from the animal rescue league) and our cat Sam (a stray that adopted us) I graduated from college with a BFA in Theatre in 1993 (hence the name) and for a few years pursued a career as an actress. Then life took over and I got married, had a baby and decided to get a "real" job. In November 2004, I was diagnosed with Young Onset Parkinson's disease. In December 2004, I was hospitalized for surgery to remove an ectopic pregnancy. In December 2009, I was laid off from my job. In June 2010, my son was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome at the age of 14. Stick around to see what happens next!
