The ups and downs of PD

So, just the other day I was realizing how much PD is just woven into my life now. It's a part of me now. I've accepted it. Still I have my bad days. I''ve been having one of them today. Just feeling really sorry for myself and wishing I didn't have this stupid disease.

I get so frustrated. I can't do the things I want to do. I am so rigid these days and tired. I have a dr. appt with the neurologist next month (Nov 10th). I am looking forward to seeing her.

I hate going to work these days. Not because I don't like my job because I do, it's just that I know it's all I'll have the energy to do. I can barely handle making dinner, home work with my son (which by the way sucks this year...big time!), then cleaning up. All I want to do when I get home from work is collapse on the couch. I feel like my life is just spent working b/c I don't have the energy to do anything else. I feel like there has got to be something else I could be doing to make my quality of life better. Maybe it is time to think about the levodopa (synthetic dopamine). I don't know. When do you make the decision to cross into that territory. Once you cross, you really can't go back.

On another subject...AQ is doing well. He and his spouse are getting a divorce. It's for the best. Sad..but for the best. I worry most about the kids. They are so young (6 and 2 1/2). She is being a royal bitch. Still won't admit to anything. It's just so sad. AQ is living with his parents right now. That is actually going well. He has to rebuild his life from the bottom up. He has nothing right now. No job, no money, no house, no car....nothing. He puts it in perspective and says that he is really starting with a clean slate. Unfortunately, his spouse is going to make this divorce a nightmare. As it is, she won't let him see the kids. AQ is in the process of getting a court order...but it takes awhile. He is doing most of the legal stuff on his own. He goes to legal aid for advice but he is filing the papers. He doesn't have the money for an attorney. We're working on that...because he is going to need one. His spouse will take him to the cleaners (although he really does have very little at this point) if he doesn't have a lawyer.

Change in subject again....B is doing well. He got the small cast on his arm today. Dr. says he is healing faster than expected. That's good. He'll have this cast on for a week and a half. Then he should be all healed. WHOOHOO!

Things between P & I are great! I love him with all my heart. I am just so lucky to have him in my life.

Last thing.... I am still holding onto this sick hope that I'll get pregnant! What the heck is wrong with me? I need to have my head examined. This is so not something that I could handle now but the selfish part of me just can't let it go. I dream about it at night. I dream of having a little girl. UGH! I wish it would just go away....

That's it...i'm done. I'm going to try and blog more often but I never seem to have a moment to do it.

Toodles!