So, my friend L called this morning. She said she would be coming down to her sisters to pick up some stuff (her sister lives in the same town as us) and wanted to know if she could stop by for a visit. We said sure.
P & I frantically cleaned the house and showered. She called at 11:45 to say she was on her way. She came here with her youngest son A. (she has two other boys).
My friend L was my college roomate for my junior year. We shared an apartment with our friend K, who later became her husband. Today she told me that she is pregnant again. I am truly happy for them. I think they are great parents. It just made me so upset. Luckily she didn't stay long.
Afterwards, I was just numb. I didn't know what to feel. All I could think was isn't it great that people can just decide they want to have more kids and BAMM.. they have them. She even made a comment about how it took 3 months for her to get PG. OH BOY!! It took me 8 years to get PG again only to have it end in an ectopic.
I guess I am jealous of her. That's such a bad emotion.
When am I going to be ok with the fact that I am only going to have one child? When am I going to know that my family is complete? When am I going to just be satisfied and happy with what I have?
Intellectually, I can understand why we shouldn't have more children. With all my medical issues and the fact that the one child we do have is a handful. But, in my heart, I can't seem to accept that. I just want a daughter. I girl that I can relate with. I guess I am being selfish.
My husband P, of course has been wonderful again. He just held me and let me cry it out. I do feel better after crying. It's a good release. Prior to that, I still just felt numb. At least by crying, I felt something.
I keep praying that I can fell ok with all this. That I can just accept that this is what God has planned for us. It's just so hard.
I hope our vacation is good. I'm concerned because I've been so tired the past few days. I am hoping it's just because I have my period and that is why my PD symptoms are acting up. I don't want to ruin our vacation.
About Me
- TheatreChick93
- Massachusetts, United States
- I am 41 years old. I have been married to my husband for 15 years. We have a son who was born in April 1996. We live in Central Massachusetts with our dog Maggie (a black lab we adopted from the animal rescue league) and our cat Sam (a stray that adopted us) I graduated from college with a BFA in Theatre in 1993 (hence the name) and for a few years pursued a career as an actress. Then life took over and I got married, had a baby and decided to get a "real" job. In November 2004, I was diagnosed with Young Onset Parkinson's disease. In December 2004, I was hospitalized for surgery to remove an ectopic pregnancy. In December 2009, I was laid off from my job. In June 2010, my son was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome at the age of 14. Stick around to see what happens next!
